paintedgray at 2:19 a.m.

broad topic

what is this all for?

at the u of o we have placed ourselves within the confines of this isolated college town. we move away from what is familiar into new territory. but the learning and so-called educating ourselves seems to be supplanted by strings of parties and plentiful social gatherings and a plethora of intoxicants.

i might schedule in an hour or two of actual tedious-textbook-memorization. and yet this is what i moved here to do.

i feel like obtaining knowledge is mostly done through real-world experience. not neccesarily in a classroom having my teacher tell it to me. then reading text to corroborate that information and eventually regurgitating it into test form.

and what do we do in our spare time? we smoke pot. we listen to music. we drink together, we hook up, we play beer pong and gather round hookahs.

and how do i feel about this? i feel like we aren't being productive individuals during the time that we at least have some functioning brain cells, because it's all downhill from here. we don't learn like we used to. i can't catch onto things and i'm not the smartest girl in the class anymore. my teachers used to think i was brilliant, and now look at me-- i am a medicore student with endless potential but no motivation to get there.

i will literally leave the library to go smoke a bowl with friends. i am so unfocused from the beginning, and then adding to that constantly shortened attention span are intoxicants.

but is berating myself going to make me do something about the issue at hand?

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